How Green is the grass?

Billo Rani turned back to the mirror and flinched as she stared at her love handles. She found it strange how such disgusting things can be called such a seductive name. The only people who liked her love handles were kids, who mistook them for monkey climbing and hung on to them when they missed parks. As she marched across the street, her eyes sat on Chammak challo who tossed her hair while whispering into her Nokia x6 and occasionally flashing her artisan crafted 32. Billo noticed her body, the way the purple dress looked on her and her as-smooth-as-veet-promises kinda hair. Billo's heart sank.

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Chammak challo zara dheere chalo is what the gully boys often sang to her on her way to office every morning. Chammak nervously tried to walk faster pretending not to hear but she sure knew it was not a few days affair(unlike her previous one). She considered asking her father to buy a chartered plane to drop her college, possibly anything to avoid the song which sounded tailor made by Altaf Raja in support of the noble cause of eve teasing. She was disgusted (by the song and the boys' pimples) and often confided and sometimes broke down to her Parryware basin but she was happy facing the pseudo-transgenders who took away all her cash with just one clap rather than the gully boys practising for Indian Idol auditions every morning.

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Moral: Shit happens to everyone.

10 sincere pieces of advice to Indian Television

1. Sati Savitri Aunty: Dear Aunty, I know your undying love for pancake, whorish red lipstick and the 120 Kg Swarosky crystal studded nine yards but please buy a pair of pyjamas and wear them when you go to sleep.

2.Facing the mother in law's wrath: Oh please! Who listens to all the "Kulta kamini main tera khoon pee jaungi" crap from the Mom in law all the time?! Get a life woman! Go take Kravmaga classes and beat the crap out of her. And who asked you to marry the son of a bitch in the first place?

3. Show some happiness: Why is there a need to have a serpentine Vamp (Background music included) always ready to kiss the protagonists with her diabolical fangs? Give her a break from all the ostentatious make up and send her to a rehab. We like happy families.

4. Rebirths: Raaz pichle janam ka was the only show which could pull off the concept of hypnotising non-celebrities and making us buy their bullshity past life stories but Savitri Aunty, why cant your husband stop rebirthing? Plastic surgeries are not for the middle class, just for you to know.

5. Idol worship: a) Why do you need wannabes who want to show more skin than Payal Rohatgi?
b) Why should contestants dance and stare into each other to display "chemistry" while singing duets?
c) Why should people vote for these strangers? Well, at least, the voting rate is high somewhere.

6. 'Spit'villa: We neither like muscular, angutha chaap dorks nor the desi imitations of blond bimbos mixed with a variety of colorful expletives.
Honestly, Transgender beauty pageants would make a better reality than that.

7. We-will-give-you-every-shitty-detail news channels: We dont want to know the color of Sania Mirza's nail paint when she was getting married or an interview with the barber who gave Shoaib a clean shaven look or the number of dieticians his ex-wife visited or the people who tried to grope "Sania Bhabhi" in Pakistan. I thought only NDTV imagine had taken the theka to arrange Swayamwars.

8. Talking of Swayamwars, I had a series of nightmares after accidently watching the coy, sugar coated Rakhi Sawant gyrating to Tujhme rab dikhta hai. Rahul Mahajan's laughter was equally
torturous.

9. The Great Indian Comedies: I shudder each time I hear those sudden fake bouts of laughter for jokes which deserve nothing more than a straight face. And the next time I see this certain person doing mimicry, Ill go into Coma.

10. Celebrity Dance shows: Saroj Khan's seeti or her beautifully accented Engliss doesnt make the TRP-o-meter rise anymore. And tell me what's worser than watching cricketers like Baichung Bhutia doing cha cha cha? Probably Mir ranjan Negi doing the same. Oh wait! Baichung plays football.

One night @ a Bengali gathering

A strong whiff of deep fried fish, echoes of high pitched boisterous laughter and unlimited variety of food.. Welcome to a Bengali gathering.

Needless to mention Bengalis love their food. Breaking all barriers of calorie counts they HAVE to have their fish, Beguni (Deep fried Brinjals coated with a mixture of chickpea flour) for starters which will be served thrice, each time giving you that you-eat-like-a-bird look. And your stomach will be so full of them , you would want to kill yourself before the main course arrives.

Apart from the food there are also small sub groups formed in the gathering. On set of aunties will be hovering around the kitchen irrespective of whether they are needed there, sharing tips of improving the already known dishes (Aunty1:"Put this along with that and you see how the kids love it. I always do that" Aunty2: "Accchhhaaaaa??") Some busily indulging in gossip of who wore the worst sari in the last gathering or who spoke something highly offensive or some latest gold earring someone bought followed by all ladies examining the piece of jewellery like a molecular biology scientist and raving like they just saw one of the rarest pieces of jewellery in their entire life.
The men will be either discussing politics or cricket and if a match is on then they become visibly oblivious to their surroundings. Their food intake is directly proportional to the no. of wickets fallen in the last overs. And no matter who is talking to them their eyes will be glued to the TV screen like they originated from there and the collective scream of joy at a fallen wicket will shake the whole apartment.

Group number 3 will be of the youngsters who will catch up while giving an occasional glance at their phones for new text messages. Topics of discussion will range from how boring family functions can be to discussing universal mommy dialogues (and hi5-ing at them) to how difficult it is for us, Bengalis, to lose weight no matter how hard we try and all this while digging into copious amounts of high calorie snacks.

And finally arrives the main course. Not one, not two, there will be at least 5 side dishes and every aunty expecting you to eat "her curry" properly or else you will be blamed of how less your appetite is or the usage of the classic line "tum bacche log nahi khaoge toh kaun khaega?".

Just when you thought it is over, wait for it....there will be juicy Rajbhog or chamcham waiting in line to seduce your eyes (your stomach becomes numb at this point) and you will be gladly offered two if you have the reputation of loving sweets (I m a perfect example)

The party spirit will go on till the hosts drop all the guests to their car with another round of bosterious laughter and never ending bye byes and "Aabar ashbe" (Please come again) and all your weight loss plans will be disposed in deepest of deep ditches.

And a random post happens..

Was tagged in Vamsi's blog for this post. So, random questions, here I come..

1. What is your current obsession?
A. Nose ring. I want one badly.

2. What are you wearing today?
A. A pair of my favourite (and rugged) black jeans with a kurti gifted by my best friend.

3. What's for dinner today?
A. Dont make me hungry now.

4. What's the last thing you bought?
A. Chicken Tikka frankie.

5. What are you listening to right now?
A. Uff teri ada- Karthik Calling Karthik

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
A. He gave me a reason to update. :D His blog is nice and so is his blog skin.

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
A. In Paris, overlooking the Eiffel Tower *dreams*

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
A. A/c, Nimbu paani, Nariyal paani and gaagils :D

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
A. Ponidcherry. Ill spend an hour walking around a beach and get back.

10. Which language do you want to learn?
A. Reading and writing Bengali

11. What’s your favourite quote?
A. Right now I can remember: "To err is human but to forgive is against company policies"

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
A: Apurva Muralidhar.

13. What is your favourite color?
A: BLACK. It is seductive, powerful and enchanting.

14. Give us three styling tips that work for you.
A: -If you like it, wear it
-Dont be too matchy matchy all the time
-If your hair is good, everything else is good

15. What is your dream job?
A: A lecturer of french who also sings and writes books.

16. Which is your favourite magazine?
A: Femina. Humour, language, information and advice, Femina offers it all.

17. If you had $100 dollars with you right now, what would you spend it on?
A: Clothes and cuisine.

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
A: Pancake of makeup, wearing shades everywhere and everytime (seriously dude! get a life!)

19. Who according to you is the most overrated style icon?
A: Ill second Vamsi on Srgay.

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
A: Anything short and sleek. Fringes, I love.

21. What are you going to do after this?
A: No prizes for guessing... HOG.

22. What are your favourite movies?
A: I m too lazy to type them all down.

23. What inspires you?
A: Soul stirring, heart warming music.

24. What do your friends call you most commonly?
A: Slothy, laccho, Trish, Moti.... (Ok isnt that enough to make fun of me already?)

25. Would you prefer coffee or tea?
A: Ze former.

26. What do you do when you are low or terribly depressed?
A: wait till I m fine.

27. What makes you go wild?
A: Depends on which wild is being talked about :P

28. Which other blogs do you love visiting?
A: My friends' blogs, random blogs and the one I follow.

29. Favourite dessert?
A: Heehaw. I'd like to think I was an ant in the previous birth :D

30. How many tabs are turned on in your browser right now?
A: Twitter, Facebook, zeetalk and Blogger ofcourse.

31. Favourite Season?
A: Autumn (which we hardly have in India) and Winter (which we hardly have in Hyderabad)

32. If I come to your house what would u cook for me?
A: Depends on what you bring for me.

33. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
A: Play the "which finger is this?" game with them and no matter which finger they choose, always show the middle one.

34. What are you afraid of the most?
A: Losing my loved ones.

35. When you looked at the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
A: "Not bad"

36. What instantly brings a smile on your face?
A: A sumptuous meal.

37. A word that you say a lot?
A: "Aeey Liiiiiiite"

38. When was the last time you did something nice?
A: I took mother by surprise by gifting her a collage of her best pictures on her birthday.

39.What would you do if you were made the President of India for one day?
A: Ill choose that day to be Republic or Independence day coz thats the only time of the year I see the President "doing" something.

40. Do you know who master Shifu is?
A: I havent watched Kung fu Panda :D

Mere CV ka balatkaar

Hi Trishnanta, I m Navin. I m with Google for 4+ years now. So, Trishnanta.. Did I get your name right?

Me: Yeah. Its Trishnanta (Emphasizing on the first N. Something told me not to address him as "Sir"

I m ready with the answer if you want to know how I got the name, what it means, etc.

Mental Profile of Navin: 1. You are not young

2. You are definitely not hot.

3. Your french beard is intimidating.

4. You look like one of those proper corporate CV rapists who disguise themselves in semi formals.

5. I dont think I can even smile during the interview forget about being funny)

Navin: Ill give you certain phrases. Please make necessary grammatical changes wherever necessary.

(You are hating my essay arent you? I wrote two in 45 minutes and I m sure there will be more errors than strands of hair on my head )

Me: Sure.

Dictation continues for 5 minutes and I hated every sentence structure. I couldnt believe I wrote SO horribly and still passed that round. After correction and his 2 minutes of verification the drama was about to unfold. My one month of mental preparation, expectations from myself, gathering the "tips", it was time for the first job interview of my life to begin. I felt blank and just decided to maintain eye contact. (It might have come across as a desperate stare)

Navin: In this session or let me call it a conversation,

(You make it sound like a date. But the word "conversation" comforts me.)

I think Ill be able to understand what kind of skills you possess.

(Yes. You will understand in 20 minutes what I couldnt understand for 21 years of my life.)

Me: *gives a faint half smile* Yeah sure.

Navin: Ok. If we conduct a grammar teaching session as a part of your job training and teach you things completely different from what you have been learning for good 15 years of your life, how comfortable would you be?

(Is that a question? For a second I thought you'd just talk and ill do the eye contact part.)

How comfortable would you be?

(Trish? Answer? It IS a question.)

Me: Yeah I think I will definitely be comfortable. If the job profile demands such kind of training I think ill undo what I have learnt and learn the new things taught to me. I m not saying it will be easy but I think Ill be able to do it.

(WTF happened to "tell me about yourself?"and "Give me a quick run through your resumé"?? NO. This was not how it was supposed to start.)

Navin: Ok your CV tells me you organized events and were a part of press and publicity for the fest "Constellation". can you tell me how you went about it?

Me: (without taking a moment) *Gives details about the science club and the fest*

(Back ground thoughts while speaking:

Wtf is he writing in his book? Is he even listening? Is he noting down all that I m saying? He is raping my mind. YES, these recruitment people get paid for having sex with people's minds. I m SO fucked.)

Navin: Ok. Any situation where you had to take an unpopular decision?

(Situational question. Screw you. Unpopular decision? When did I ever take any? FUCK. Why are you doing this Navin? why? Tell something now, Trish)

Me: (At this point I introduce vidyouth)

Navin: Oh yeah I can see in your CV- I m sorry I have to keep getting back to it- So what do you do for vidyouth?

Me: (Sigh. Something I rehearsed , atleast)

Navin: I see you have done some good work in Cell biology. Ofcourse, who doesnt know about Shanta Biotechnics?! (The only time he smiled during the interview. It felt good.) Why do you want to shift to a different field?

Me: (I fucking knew this question would come up. I KNEW.) Life science has always been a passion (I used it. I used that bloody word) I was always into life science but in due course of time I realised I also have a knack for creative writing and communication oriented things and thus this decision.

( That suicidal look on his face tells me I should shut up and fuck off. Someone help? *sobs* The naiyya of my confidence has a hole.)

Navin: Ok what do you know about the job role you have applied for?

Me: An adword representative has various responsibilities which include checking the ad content for content, quality and accuracy. He/She also deals with the google advertisers' portfolios and provides excellent customer satisfaction.

(I m only telling you what I read yesterday. You have no idea how much I have googled google for google. Whoa! just came up with that)

Two to three more situational questions and we came close to end of this "conversation".

Navin: I m done. Anything you have in mind that you want to ask?

Me: Well, what exactly are you looking for in candidates?

(It was like asking "Why was I here, again?")

Navin: Well, we are basically looking for enthusiastic people who have a keen interst and drive for their job role. (and I have none)

I cant reveal further because of confidentiality issues but in the broader sense these are the qualities. Does that answer your question?

Me: Yes. definitely.

(Leave me. I wanna go home. I m famished)

We shake hands and I come out of the room. Good or bad, it was over.

PS: I succesfully screwed and got screwed in my first job interview. Oh wait! Cant call it a rape anymore, can I?

The great "About me" debate!

"Please tell us something about yourself"

This is the first and indeed the most dicey question in a job interview. It essentially makes or breaks the deal. And that got me thinking..

Somehow I always put this thought on the back burner. Sometimes due to sheer procrastination, sometimes just because of the fear of the whirlwind of thoughts that might follow, but the time had finally come to sit and witness this debate between all the alters existing within me. All wide awake even at the stroke of midnight and each of them providing their unsolicited advice about the perfect "About me". Here's an excerpt:

Lethargic me: About me eh? Um.. Aa.. hmmm.. uh.. well.. uh..

Sensible me: Think, think. Who are you really? What makes you, you Trish?

Sarcy me: *filing her nails* And finally someone is saving their grey matter from undergoing oxidation.

Lethargic me: I am well.... let me think.... Passionate?

Sarcy me: You should drown yourself in a tube well the next time you use that word. That can rank so high on the "World's most irritating cliches" list.

Lethargic me: But it is the truth. I M passionate. About Music, about French, about writing. What better word than that? Tell me?

Sarcy me: Even your Kaamwaali bai is passionate about Jhaadu Pocha. I think you should send HER for the interview.

Sensible me: Ok ok! Why is it so hot in here? Relax Trish. Calm down. Just delve into yourself and think of how best you can describe yourself

At this point, I went blank. It was a face shaking blow of reality on my nose. 21 long years of being with myself and I couldn't describe my own self to my own self? What was it? Lack of introspection or lack of words in my vocabulary? or is my character too vast to comprehend?

I must have described at least 50 people in my blog, in 1024 characters long testimonials, in letters, in my diaries, in poems. But whats stopping me now? Irony of this situation was hard to digest.

Sensible me: Ok. Ill suggest something. Why don't you list out things you like about yourself? I think it will make things easier.

Evil me: She HATES herself. She is an insecure, confused, indecisive piece of shit *gives a triumphant smile*

Sensible me: Just get your ass out of this room. At this rate she will never be able to think of good qualities, leave alone listing them.

Evil me: Ok. But I shall return. Muhahaha!

Lethargic me: Qualities.. (After a lot of ohh's and umm's) I think I can make fun of myself without making a fool of myself. Makes sense?

Sarcy me: Glad to interrupt but say that line in front of the interviewee and he shall hand over the appointment letter then and there. Take my word lady.

Sensible me: Can we keep sarcasm aside for a moment please?!! Anyway coming back, can you think of a more- at the loss of a better word- job oriented good quality?

Lethargic me: Enough is enough. I cant take this anymore. *bangs her fist on the table* I m telling you cliches are the safest bet. Ill say I m confident even when I feel insecure about future every night. Ill say I m optimistic even when my optimism goes for a toss even with a slight mood swing. Ill say I m a team leader even when I can't effectively manage a class of 36. Its FINE. You get it? Cliches WORK.

Sensible me: You know what's your problem? You don't want to take chances. You are lazy even to think about yourself. *turns her back*

Lethargic me: I m not a very bad person, am I? Then why is this whole exercise becoming so difficult for me? *Gets choked*

Pessimistic me: Nananananananana *hums* You're a bitch. A dimbit. You know it.

Sensible me: STOP IT YOU ALL. *screams her lungs out* Shucks! This is going nowhere. Ok! See, people must have told you about your positives. Try remembering those at least? Sounds good?

Lethargic me: Yeah! Sounds good. Well, XYZ told me I m confident, YZX told me I'm smart, ZXW told me I can maintain my calm even in stressful situation and yeah, YWC said I m awesome *smiles*

Sensible me: (Phew! The fog is clearing!) Good good. Its going good. Think a little more on these lines and your "About me" will be ready. *puts her hand on lethargic me's shoulder*

Lethargic me: But wait! I donno if i m all that. NO! I have too many flaws.

Sensible me: Have you heard of that four letter word? Love? God created it coz he is perfect and we are not and that's why only love can help us accept imperfection and deal with it. Not that you should be happy with imperfection but accept it. Love yourself for who you are and for the way you are made.

Sarcy me: Excuse me? Is the "World cliche championship" going on here? Oh my god! Save this world from the tyranny of cliches.

Sensible me: *Turning to sarcy* The thing is, some cliches even though cliches, are true.

Sarcy me: Here goes another one. *holds her belly and laughs*

Lethargic me: Why should there be so much debate? Why cant "I m what I m" suffice?

Sarcy me: Because its a fucking job interview not Facebook or Orkut, bitch.

Sensible me: and above all, its life my dear. Its life.

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- Thanks to Bharat, who gave this idea. You rock re Pascal. :D

-Also mildly inspired by a blog post I read long back which is called "A life altering rendezvous" (suggested by Prakky dearest :D)

Before and After

First year, first semester

6:30 am: *Alarm rings*

6:45 am: Out of bed

7:40 am: Breakfast on the table

7:45 am: Bus stop

9:00 am: College corridor.

Final year, final semester

9:00 am: "The kids are going to school. Ask your friends if your College is really closed."

9:05 am: One eye half open. *Phone vibrates* Soniyo: Biochem class in Room No.68

Lazy me: "Ja re! Who'll go to college today?!"

Sincere me: "You have a lab test, moron"

Lazy me: "So? I decided yesterday itself I m not going"

10:30: Window shopping in lifestyle

11:30: Sitting near cool club sipping fanta

12:30: Imax

3:30: Home

"Yeah Mom. College was so hectic" :D

Why its good to weep...

I took the stairs and went to my favourite spot. The top most point of the terrace, the over head tank where sat gulping a large amount of air. The view was picturesque as ever with all the numerous well lit houses, a so called pond near the railway tracks and the Dargah on top of the Mauli Ali ka pahad. It instantly calmed my inside.
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5 minutes ago
"I m so bored already. What will I do till 18th?!!" I said serving the evening tea to everyone. "Lose some weight. 15 days is a lot of time" said my mother. Yes, truth hurts. "Yeah! Ill join a gym soon" I said, the volcanic activity waiting to begin. "Its been one and half year since you stopped working out" mom continued the topic. "Did she go while you were here?" mom turned to Nani. "After a lot of ass kicking, yeah!" she said in a cold tone. They shared a look. The volcano inside me was completely active. Lava waiting to ooze out. "I m going up to the terrace" I said slamming the door as hard as I could.

I swore so loudly I bet even god heard my colourful expletives. Of course, I did it in my mind.
-------------------------------------------

All my emotions popped up like several chat windows. Am I really SO irresponsible? What am I really? A 21 year old ugly fat bitch?!! (Name calling. One of the 13 types of crooked thinking in psychology terms.) I donno why my age had to matter here but some ugly part of my brain brings up this number every time I sulk. What impression does Nani have about me? Why should it even matter? but it somehow did. Tears automatically rolled down my cheeks and continued till it became a noisy weep. I suddenly looked at my harem pants and thanked the person who brought this into existence. So comfy, so belly dancer like!
When I remembered what I was doing, I wept again like a baby and did it till I decided the watershed was enough for the day. I blew my nose in the sleeve of my T-Shirt and rubbed my eyes till I felt no one could make out what I was upto on the terrace.
Like other forms of dehydration, weeping too felt relieving.
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2 Hours later

Glabubibila: Hey! Waddup?
Me: Hey! I m munching Lays and bourbon biscuits are waiting in the queue. :D
Glabubibila: Haha. Awesome. You can never stop eating, can you?
Me: I might if you give me a better option which I think doesn't exist. :P
Glabubibila: You win. :D

Moral of the story 1: Hum nahi sudhrenge!
Moral of the story 2: Don't blow your nose in the sleeve of your tee. It stinks.

PS: I was jobless! And yeah, Glabubibila is a fictional name.

The libran man..

The libran man. He will essentially disarm you with his effortless looking yet well practised flattering skills. And if that fails to work he'll give you a logic that HAS to make you fall on your feet and smile helplessly with defeat. And just in case you survive the logic, the smile will do it. The point I m trying to make is the magic is bound to happen. You are bound to admire the magic of this man and I have one in my life too. :D

Insanity is his first name and weirdness his last and he never fails to live up to his 'name'. From writing a blog post on his ceiling fan, writing an intense conversation between him and his room to offering his hair for Deccan chargers to climbing Mauli ali ka pahaad in chappals (I m sure this is just the tip of the iceberg :P). If one person has redefined insanity for me, its him.

And the temperament part! In all these months of knowing him, leave alone anger, I havent even seen him getting pissed off! (Has anyone?). Photugraphy, Creative writing, Adventure, Hyderabadi hindi or women (:P)..mention of any of these and that twinkle in the eye is hard to miss!

Childlike yet so mature..
Insane yet retaining his sanity..
Naive and yet so much finesse..

This man has a balance which is rare to find. It's really hard not to fall in love with him.
And the name is Govindasreenivasan Prakash.

I m so glad I have a friend like you Prakky. All the lou from this Bong!

PS: I hate you for making me sing a bong song and the quotes you include in foodie. :P

Love - The most hated emotion in the world!

Note: All ideas expressed here under are my very personal opinions. If it happens to hurt any reader's sentiments, I beg your pardon. I love love and I would love to be in love.

Teenagers in love -"Is this the time for love?"

College goers in love- "No love till you stand on your feet"

Love at work - "How could you? at your WORKPLACE? :o "

Intercommunity love- You probably have to do a Chetan Bhagat 250 page drama for this.

Older woman- younger man - She practices black magic and he is the victim

Younger woman - Older man - Whats wrong with Amitabh Bacchhan? Arey umar ka toh lihaaj karo?!!

I m not even going to touch the last and the most dangerous territory, extramarital escapades..

In 2 States, Chetan Bhagat focuses on the problems faced by people from different communties in love but I wont BEG to differ the problem is not the different communties, its love. Whether we like it or we dont, love is a bigger taboo than sex in India.

Valentine's day sees dramatic tod phod by certain self declared guards of Indian culture, beating up of people of opposite sex walking with each other. The deeper psychology I think is the hatred towards love not the culture erosion.

If you are in love, you will be termed characterless. Love is described with derogatory phrases like Unka toh kuch chakkar chal raha hai or Tum dono ka scene kya hai boss? or the word affair is prefixed by "alleged". Why not call them criminals and hang them to death? Sadly, even heinous acts like those are rampant in the remote parts of country.

Although love marriages are common in the country all the gossip hungry aunties will emphasize on the word love in a way that every letter will get its due phonetic respect preceeded by a large snake mouthed "O". And I m sure these aunties paid 100 bucks and sobbed till they blew their nose in the pallu watching Kajol and SRK's highly dramatic unison in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Even secretly envied to have a love story of their own but these aunties will still come home and tell their daughters "Dont be too friendly with boys"..

But wait, dont we still have couples all around us, of course most of them being clandestine affairs except for the celebrity love stories which are discussed by pan waalas and elite kittie party aunties alike. "Why does she like HIM? He has two kids no?" "When is Rani getting married? Isnt she 32 already?" but celebrities also enjoy societal liberties when it comes to the settling down age bar. They can have triplets at 42 but no one will give a damn about it but If pados ki ladki is single and over 28 then she is seen as a 50 year old and "no suitable matches" anymore. Love is 'bad' but "Why dont they get her married?". What are we? Stock market shares? Today market up, tomorrow down?

And if she is earning her bread and doesnt want to get married yet, she is either lesbian or "too independant" or worse mentally retarded. Sigh. Why does society have to stand up for meaningless rights and wrongs when there are much more troublesome rights and wrongs to look after? Why cant you go and advice an 18 year old about whom to vote instead of how much distance he/she should maintain from the opposite sex?

Oh yes, coming back to love (digressions I tell you!), it is one of purest emotions in this planet and deserves an equal share of respect like the motherly, brotherly, cousinly and all the other kinds of love you can think of. But I conclude saying , If friendship is intermediate with BiPC, Love is PHD. in Oral Cancer. (Thank my bio passion for the similies)

You either do a Chetan Bhagat to win the love of your life or literally FALL in love!

The phone call..

"Your father told me you have become the Bank Manager of SBI. So I thought I'll have a few words with Madam Banker" said my grandfather on the phone. FYI I recently opened an account in SBI and the news reached my grandpa through obvious sources.

I just laughed out loud at the banker joke. It was strange but this particular joke suddenly broke the ice between us and for the first time in my life I FELT for my grandpa. A strange connection. Not that I hated him before but I was never close to him. In fact I was thought him to be a cold, irritable man. As a kid whenever I visited Gorakhpur (A place in U.P where my granparents have been living for 47 years now) he came across as the one who'd always have a problem with everything. "Dont go to the terrace, you'll create a mess" "Why cant you children just sit peacefully in one place?" "Dont eat too many sweets its not healthy" etc etc and naturally I had an unusual bend towards his wife, my late grandmother, who was exactly the opposite. Full of life, food loving, "let the children do what they do best, shaitani" she used to tell.

But today was a different. "I thought for 20 minutes before making this call. Whether I should make it or I shouldnt. You know, I never really got to know my grandparents but you all are so lucky we are there.Anyway, call me tomorrow morning around 9:30 and tell me details of your account. I'll try my best to help you. See all your cousins are working. If you want to pursue higher studies you need money no? " he said continuing to specify the purpose of his call. I dont care about the money grandpa its your concern that touches me, I wanted to say but sometimes its best if you keep the sentiments to yourself. "What happened to that 10,000 I had sent last time? You have deposited it all no?" he continued, I didnt want to say I shopped for 5000 bucks for Durga Pooja and had no idea where the rest of the amount was but I had no choice but to lie. "Yes yes of course Dadu!"

I dont know whether it was Kailash's songs or the food in Chilly's which made me so emotionally charged but yes, for the first time in my life I had 100 gm lump in my throat as grandpa spoke these words. "A man who used to speak for 8-9 hrs a day in his 12 hrs of duty has no one to talk to for 20 minutes at a stretch now.(Sighs) Its very lonely you know. I m 80+ now and there are lots of problems. My eye sight is decreasing. I think its cataract! " he said with another sigh. "Why dont you come here and stay with us. See grandma is here and she is very happy. So many people to talk to, so many things to do, I m sure you'll like a bit of change" I said meaning every word whole heartedly. I saw the negative response coming but I still waited for his response. "Travelling is out of question mitu (my pet name). You see I had a reservation that time but I fell sick. My health wont permit travel now" he finished. As this point the lump in my throat doubled in size. Even I'll be 85 one day, will it be really lonely? Why am I so self- centered? Why cant I think beyond myself and my life? I have to visit granpa I thought to myself as the conversation almost came to an end.

"Now give the phone to your baba and dont forget to call me tomorrow ok?" he said with that typical caring grandpa tone.

...... The phone call stirred my inside. I made two resolutions:

1. Call him atleast once a week and listen to him talk. (Granpas love that! Infact everyone does)

2. Visit him ASAP. The old man needs this the most.

Clichés and me

Dont try too hard
"Why do I feel I m trying too hard?"

Just be yourself
"I think I m blabbering more than I should"

Dress well and dress comfortable
"That top is gone for a wash dearie"

Make sure your hair is neat
"Wtf?!! Why a bad hair day today?!"

Less is more
"Omg! Dont I look like a christmas tree?!"

Be confident
"Can I please bite my nails?"

Observe the body language
"Shit! How did I forget that?"

If it is destined it will happen
"DO something you moron!"

Smile
"Um.. Well.. The chocolate sauce is still stuck to your front tooth"
"Yeah? Thanks!"(a forced embarrased half smile)