One thing which I have discovered about myself is that I can perform well only when I have the right ambience for it. Off late the thing which is bugging me the most is “why I m not able to reach my own expectation levels” The levels which I have set for my own self. It’s not others expectations that bothers me more but I feel taken aback when I find myself failing to reach my own expectation levels. The answer which I give to myself is I have set some very rigid parameters for myself which are so inadaptable that they become the most convincing excuse to give for my bad performance. Another possible reason may be the kind of environment people have created around me. I feel I have dragged myself into the cobweb, totally against my principles which has resulted in the accidental collapse of my regular performing abilities.
Sometimes it so happens that I feel people who are the most close to me are also miles away from me … the reason again I think are my innumerable prerequisites… As far as my prerequisites are concerned I feel I would never get a person who would perfectly get into the vicinity of my prerequisites.. I can’t assure myself for that because you never know….. Don’t misunderstand my search for a perfect person to be merely related to a romantic liaison but this person can be a friend, a teacher, or may share any kind of relationship with me or may be a mere acquaintance... ironically if he/she fits into this category they wouldn’t remain a mere acquaintance… this theory of prerequisites may sometimes be conceived as arrogance but I know that it’s not arrogance but an integral part of my nature.
In this process of discovering myself I realized that I enjoy solitude to the highest degree. The three things which are the only sources of mental peace and satisfaction according to me are solitude, knowledge and spirituality. The more you explore these arenas the more you start enjoying them….
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